


Dawn of the Last Light

by dramaticallyfree



Category: Free!
Genre: Death, M/M, Sad, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 17:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6997999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramaticallyfree/pseuds/dramaticallyfree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was prompted by my friend with, to put it simply, "Haru dealing with a loss."</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>He had been told that there is many different endings in this world, some worst than others, but even if he was the one still breathing, Haru truly felt that he had met his end. It was a foolish thing to think —— that he was found to be unhappy without someone else to make him shine. Usually, he was more independent, and made his own path. His own decisions.</p>
<p>This had not been his choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dawn of the Last Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [manubibi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manubibi/gifts).



He had been told that there is many different endings in this world, some worst than others, but even if he was the one still breathing, Haru truly felt that he had met his end. It was a foolish thing to think —— that he was found to be unhappy without someone else to make him shine. Usually, he was more independent, and made his own path. His own decisions.

This had not been his choice.

\--

“Haru-chan! Haru-chan! I decided to go to a Tokyo university. I chose the same one as yours, so I’ll be there by the beginning of the next semester!” Nagisa’s voice chirped on the other end of the phone.

Ever since Haruka had moved to Tokyo, to follow his dream, he had kept in contact with his friends more often than he had through a phone call, or text message, or even social media. Now that they didn’t live right up the road from him, after all. And even though Makoto was in this same city, their busy schedules didn’t allow them to meet up as often as they used to.

So, hearing this news definitely warmed up his heart. After all, Nagisa and him had been talking more and more often, most likely because Nagisa was the one who always initiated conversations… more so than Rei, Makoto, or even Rin. It made Haruka excited for the exchanged phone calls everyday that they had, but even so, he had never expected Nagisa to choose the same university as his own, now that Nagisa and Rei were graduating.

“Really? What do you plan to do?”

\--

Haru had his own apartment, and though it was small and tidy, it never felt like home to him. He was used to a home where it was quiet, with a view of the ocean across the sea. Not continuous sounds of cars, traffic, and the occasional barking dog that kept him awake. Even though it’s been a year, Haru never got used to the sounds of the city, but he did not hate them.

Nagisa showed up one day. Haru expected a happy smile, but he got more when Nagisa leaped into his arms. It took him a moment, but eventually his arms wrapped around the younger’s arms. He had grown some since he had last seen him, and he was sure Nagisa would consider the same about him for his muscles gotten a bit more toned from all the training. 

“I missed you so much, Haru-chan!” Nagisa’s voice broke out, and it was only when he heard the crack in his voice did Haru realize that his usually bright and cheerful friend was crying. 

“Nagisa?” he murmured, but Nagisa didn’t let him go. “Nagisa,” he said a second time, more sternly, but Haru didn’t let him go either. Maybe, this wasn’t a bad cry. It reminded him of their last relay together, and thought it was strange he was worth such a bright person’s tears.

“Yeah, me too,” he finally said.

Haru held him closer.

\--

Phone calls after phone calls. Haru didn’t want to answer any of them. They went off the hook. Some from his mother, his father. From his old friends, Rin and Rei and even Gou. Especially Makoto, who had probably called the most. There were some voice mails, but several text messages. How many gathered after a few days? Haru didn’t know. It was only when his college called him did it become worrying, but even so, Haruka couldn’t bare to touch that phone.

Only time he did that evening was to shut it off completely. The one call he would be waiting for would not happen tonight.

\--

“I have ten finals this semester! I don’t know if I can do it.” Makoto said, as he was sitting across from Haru, with Nagisa sitting beside the both of them at a rounded table at this cafe they all decided to meet up. If they had Rei, Rin, or even Gou here, it would have felt more complete, but to Haruka, he was content with being with at least two of his friends. 

“Wow, Mako-chan!” Nagisa said, as if Makoto had just said the most exciting thing in the world. But a game face changed his expression, making Haru stare at him a bit longer than he probably had should have. “You can do it! We believe in you! Right, Haru-chan?”

Makoto was smiling, a bit less tense than Haru remembered seeing him the last time. The presence of Nagisa alone seemed to make even the most stressful of situations not as bleak. Haru remembered that.

\--

Nagisa came over frequently, for they shared some courses, and they both helped each other on homework. Haru found that the other had become more focused on the topics than he remembered, and it was probably all because of Rei. Being close to each other, laying on their stomachs with a breeze rolling in, made Haru feel at home for once in a long time since he had moved here.

Nagisa was chattering about some things, but when Haru made a move to flick his forehead, the blond went back to this homework. Haruka, however, stared at Nagisa for several heartbeats. 

Thump-thump.  
Haru noticed how Nagisa’s tongue just stuck out a little bit from his mouth when he was prying for an answer. So much concentration.

Thump-thump.  
Haru noticed Nagisa criss-crossed his legs at the ankles after kicking them silently for awhile, his feet adorned with colorful socks. It was a small action, something he hadn’t meant to notice.

Thump-thump.  
Haru noticed when Nagisa’s eyes lifted, there was a roundness to them that really dragged him in. It didn’t dawn on him that they were staring at each other, and the only sound now was the ticking of the clock on the table. 

Haru couldn’t remember who looked away first, but only recalled how Nagisa had shuffled over close enough that their hips had touched.

\--

“I never did tell you what I’m majoring in, have I?” Nagisa randomly brought up at the end of a movie. It was dark outside now, so he knew Nagisa would have to take a train home. They had not meant to hang out for the entire evening, but it was only now that Haruka realized that time just — flew by with him.

“No,” he replied, and he had considered asking again, but he knew Nagisa. If Nagisa wanted to say something, he would. Perhaps, Nagisa had wanted to surprise everyone about it, but Haru had some guesses considering the options the other had said when Haru had still not found a dream back then. And since they shared a few classes, it could be something related with water and swimming. Nagisa would like that, wouldn’t he?

“I’m working to be a sea diver. I want to travel parts of the oceans, and take photographs of marine life. It’s to help the animals!” Nagisa’s grin was extremely bright in that darkened room, and Haru had to smile in return. He sounded so happy, so excited. Yes, I could see him this way, Haru realized. Helping the animals.

“I hope I get to meet a penguin. No, at least twenty penguins!”

“I hope you do, too. I’m glad for you, Nagisa.”

But then the room became quiet after that. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but for some reason, Haruka became a little unnerved. Maybe it was the way Nagisa had locked his gaze on Haru. How their eyes met, and did not look away. Most of Haru’s face was a shadow, apart from the outline from the light that came from the streets out the window. The more of the dim light was cast across Nagisa’s face, a fitting silhouette of the two.

Haruka didn’t remember who had leaned in first, but only how it felt so perfectly right when their lips molded against each other’s mouths. It was an unexpected thing, however fleeting. And they only got closer, closer… their hearts merging in an astounding beat.

\--

Haru’s eyes opened, but he did not remember when he fell asleep. Perhaps, he hadn’t, and he had just laid there the entire time. What had sprung him alert was the knocking at the door. Knowing he looked like crap, he still got up from his unmade bed to make his way. For a moment, he hesitated to grab the doorknob, but he opened it anyway to see Makoto at the doorway. But he also found Rin and Rei were there, too. The looks across their faces made Haru realize: today is the day.

He wasn’t ready.  
He’d never be ready.

“Haru, let’s go.”  
“Haruka-senpai…”

Tears were in those blue eyes already, and he had to look down. His friends watched him silently break down, in a beautiful way much like ice shattered. It hurt to watch, the others felt. Rin was about to suggest they go ahead and go to the funeral without Haruka, but then —

“Let me get changed.”

\--

“Nagisa ——”

“You don’t have to say anything, Haru-chan,” Nagisa murmured, his voice low as if they were keeping a secret. Perhaps the fact that they were both currently in a tangle of bare legs and bed sheets would only prove that statement. Haru was still watching Nagisa, his expression soft. What they had just done had felt better than swimming… more than Haru would’ve realized. Nagisa’s mirrored smile only made him feel better. 

“I love you, Nagisa.”

Haru could be so stubborn sometimes. Nagisa smiled, because he knew this, before wrapping his arms completely around him. They wound up falling asleep this way, content.

\--

“My trainer for deep sea diving is taking me to Izu Peninsula tomorrow. Me and a few others, actually! It’s going to be our first real dive. Haru-chan, can you come and watch?” Nagisa was very excited, and even though Haru was very excited for him, he had to let him know that he had classes off an on this entire week, and would not be able to even spare a moment of free time. Even though Nagisa sounded a little bit more disappointed on the other end of the phone, the I love you was still as strong.

“Good luck, Nagisa,” Haru also mentioned.

When tomorrow came, Nagisa was sending texts to Haru, texts that he would reply to when he was on a break, or between classes. It was around lunch break when Nagisa sent a text that read:

[ we’re gearing up now! in about 30 minutes i’ll let you know how it went! ;D ]

[ let me know everything. remember, accept the water. xo. ]

[ i know! i know! i’ll call you soon!! xxxxooo !!! ]

Haruka couldn’t help but smile at his phone. It was an abnormal thing for him to do, but after these messages, Haru found himself checking it more often. Perhaps, he was excited to see Nagisa’s name flash on the screen even more than usual. But after his last class ended, there was no call. And on the train home, there was no call.

It had been several hours.

Haru was ready to text Nagisa, to ask him if he liked it, or if Nagisa had been let down and was disapointed in it all, but the phone rang before he got a chance to open up a new message.

Makoto.

\--

Haru didn’t stay that long at the funeral. His friends were surprised he had gone at all, considering he kept ignoring the messages of when it would be, and everyone offering their condolences. Perhaps it was selfish, because Haruka knew Nagisa’s parents were in a hard state on their own, despite the fact that everyone knew how serious Nagisa and him had gotten. He also disliked how Nagisa’s body would never be completely recovered, for when the diving went wrong …

He didn’t want to think about it.

But Haruka left the scene when they began to speak about Nagisa, and only Makoto had called out to him to try and bring him back, but Haru did not listen. Nothing would help him. Not when Nagisa wasn’t here anymore.

A few hours later he was at Izu Peninsula. It was a mountained coast with an ocean as far as he could see, a location that Nagisa and the others had went diving. Why him, of all of them? Why did Nagisa have to get tangled? Why did he have to drown?

Nagisa’s body was still there in the water, for they did not want to risk any other diver’s lives trying to retrieve it. Haru wasn’t sure, but he felt that his parents had protested, but now this place was shut down for the time being. Even though bodies were often left behind in waters, and even though Haru loved the water, he knew Nagisa wouldn’t want to be alone.

Even in death.

And so he dived off that mountain cliff, not from the highest peak, meaning to swim in the area Nagisa was last seen. He remembered how Makoto sounded on the phone when he told him, and how raw his voice was. They said Nagisa got tangled in something down there, like seaweed or chains left behind from ship wrecks, and they were not risking anyone to go down after him.

Bullshit.

His tears washed away as soon as he hit the water, and the surface scolded his skin. Such cold water —— despite it being a warmer month. This was not the best diving area, despite what the trainer had suggested. It made him feel angry, and the grieve that had pulled and tugged at his now worn heart made it hard to swim.

How could he ever forgive the water for taking the one he truly loved?

Haru was good at holding his breath, but even so, he poked his head out from above the water to breathe a good handful of times, until a final dive where he got lower, and lower. His ears popped from the pressure, and his chest felt like it had stones in it, but in the end he did find him.

Nagisa had a leg tangled in some barbed chains, and it was obvious there was no chance he would have been able to escape it. The thrashing around he had done only made the chain dig in deeper. Imagining the fear controlling him, and his light in his eyes fading right here, made bubbles scream from Haruka’s throat. He shouted Nagisa’s name, but there was no sound here.

Haruka didn’t care anymore. Instead of doing what he had wanted to do: rescue his body… he wrapped his arms around him and brought his face into his hair. Due to the temperature of the water, Nagisa’s body had not rotted yet. It didn’t make Haru think right, that he was holding a lifeless thing, a shell of who Nagisa had been, but only the fact that he was here, one last time.

I’ll miss you, he thought, because he couldn’t say it. His heart was beating a little faster, as his lungs burned in his chest. But no, Haru had no intention of ever letting Nagisa go. 

I’m still waiting for that call.


End file.
